Regardless if you're being fake or genuine, some people will like you and some people won't. Regardless if you shine your light or hide it, some people will accept you and some people won't. Sometimes invalidation is positive because it can reveal that you don't align with a certain group of folks and should live your life elsewhere. Likewise, validation is sometimes negative because it can trick you into spending time with people that aren't a good influence on you.
Validation applies to the micro and macro choices of our lives. From how we communicate to the career we choose - our choices determine how we are validated or invalidated by others. Remember, no matter what actions we take there will be people who like us and people who don't so all we have control over is how we go about getting it. Inauthentic actions will bring us suffering. Authentic actions will bring us joy.
Inauthentic action happens when we compromise our true nature to try and impress the external world. This empty transaction can morph into resentment if we do not get the validation we crave. Authentic action happens when we surrender to our true nature and commit effort and attention into bringing it to life. You can't please everyone and it's not your job to please everyone so don't even try. This is how you become a people pleaser which is just a selfish, scared person in disguise. We crave validation and will compromise our truth and boundaries to get it. We think we're so special that we're responsible for everyone else's happiness. I'm a people pleaser and can confidently say that my ability to feel real love and empathy has increased immensely since I intentionally stopped trying to make everyone happy and started honoring my internal truth. Obviously I have insecurities and weak moments but it's a work in process.
Authentic action is fueled by love. Inauthentic action is fueled by fear. There is no such thing as inaction.
Even doing nothing is a choice. We often react to fear by impulsively overcompensating or by shrinking and hiding. Transforming our inner truth into authentic action let's the external world see and feel who we are rather than the external world dictating how we are. We become a cause rather than an affect. Joy comes from living in alignment with our true nature and if we refuse to honor our nature we will begin grasping onto external vices to fill the void.
Nature is constantly changing and creating based on the organic formula deep within it's essence. If you do not allow your true essence to come to life that energy will assume "well, this creature doesn't want to live so it must want to die" and the infinite force that exists inside of you will start eating you alive.
At least that what it feels like. That's why depression, anxiety, and addiction are so scary. It feels like a force much stronger than you is pulling you down a black hole of hopelessness. Maybe Satan is eating your soul, destroying your light, and drinking the energetic blood of your karma. But probably not. That horrible feeling is just nature giving us a warning sign saying "hey, stop lying to yourself. I love you as you are and if you refuse to remember that then you will suffer."
One time I was receiving a sales pitch from a Mormon and I told him, "I love Satan! Satan is my best friend that gives me suffering to remind me that God loves me." Mormon dude looked at me like I was an alien vampire from the depths of the underworld and the convo ended shortly after. If he would have held in a bit longer I might have converted to Mormon Afterlife Insurance but I need an agent that will stand in the chaos with me and give me a flexible policy that allows for satan jokes.
Anyway. When we don't honor our nature we suffer and that horrible feeling is a message from nature telling us to re-align. But often we don't listen to the message so we attach to external things to try and ignore the fact that we are killing our own soul. The external world and all its lovely features are not good or bad. Everything has potential to be helpful or destructive depending on our relationship with it. This applies to money, drugs, friendships, career, travel, knives, guns, bear spray, internet, sex, music gear, food, religion, everything. It doesn't matter what you do, what matters is the how.
Self help books for example. We might read something that completely shifts our paradigm and launches our life into a new direction. Or we might refuse to take action and just keep reading self help books to convince ourselves we are growing when we are actually just afraid of committing to the daily action. This applies to courses, podcasts, seminars, workshops, school, mastermind groups, brainstorms, vision boards, and even blogs like this one. If you refuse to take action based on your knowledge then the pursuit of knowledge can actually become a vice preventing you from change. If you refuse to take action based on all of your plans and visions then your planning becomes an excuse not to put in the work. At this point you are just getting off on idea porn.
Knowledge porn, motivation porn, and planning porn might turn you on a bit but it will never compare to tenderly fucking life with your soul. You're just masturbating your ego when you should be making sweet, sweaty, passionate love to life. Learn some tricks, aim your compass, get to humpin, and adjust as you go. Motivation porn can become destructive because you start comparing your 6 inch skill sword with the 9 inch mega talent telling you what to do and in return demotivate you or confuse you about how the real process works. True love is not a 10 minute doggy-style session with fake validation moans and a 2 litre explosion of "hoooray you did it!". True love is consistent attention, acceptance, compassion, honesty, surrender, and effort. 1 little hump at a time.
That was a really long, sexual metaphor and I realize that it may have been so long that you are really confused about why I was ranting about sex instead of just reminding you to take action now. It's simple.
The best thing you can do is take action now.
The next best thing is to keep reading the blog series ;)
Continue reading the "Mental Breakdown" series.
All art on this page is by Skye Dreamur. Check out more of his creations!