Troo Knot

Troo Knot is a musical messenger sent here to unleash the sonic paradox of nature. 

Selfish Compassion

(RIP) You have left behind a legacy of compassion.

“To be fully selfless we must be fully selfish”

       I’ve felt stressed, anxious, and sad this last month getting ready for the double release of Rope Burns and Gooey Gonzales. Then my friend lost his mother and holding him in his grief really stirred the pain up in me. I feel the need to write and share. 

       This year I decided to commit full force to my career as an artist and creative coach. I realized if I want to support a family doing what I love then I have to start working my arse off. Period. Our education system has failed at teaching us how to use our real gifts to thrive in the economy. Create something of value and exchange it; simple. But it's tricky when you've spent 12+ years of education learning how to stress about shit that doesn't matter to you and ignore your truth. 

       I'm not going to sit here and blame the game. I'm taking responsibility in rebalancing. Sure it takes a lot of time and energy to untie the lies, empower your nature, and make a living but it's super fun and there's plenty to be grateful for. The commitment to my path has pulled me into the most rewarding relationships of my life. Friends, co-creators, lovers, healthier family dynamics, mentors, mentees, the web goes on. It's pulled me on a 1 month road trip and is about to pull me to Europe for 2 months. Multiple album releases, new opportunities, hooray hooray hooray!

But….

       The creative grind has pulled me out of mental balance. I feel the anxiety and depression creeping in. Having travel deadlines around album releases has showed me how capable I am but has also forced me to be selfish with my time and energy. I’m either practicing, gigging, teaching, or producing. This high output of work has lowered my patience and compassion. The work is mega fun so it’s easy to forget that I need downtime to simply love and listen to others. I’m not just a machine of creation. I’m a human.

       Like a lot of artist, I’m extreme. Rebalancing is a common obstacle for me. I tend to thrive in 100% Yang or 100% Yin. Yang is performing. Yin is holding and supporting someone through struggle. This is why I’m an artist and a healer. I can surrender to chaos and burn into the unknown or I can give full compassion to someone in need. Anything in between and I tend to get bored or distracted. Let’s have fun or let’s heal. If it’s neither I’d rather be in my cave making music or writing. I’m getting better at managing the grey zone but it’s tricky. I admire people who thrive in the middle. 

       Exactly 2 years ago I went through my darkest depression which taught me that I am here to love and support others and making art is not enough. I remember on multiple occasions being shamed in my darkness and I made a promise to myself that I would never do that to anyone. So now as I feel the anxiety and depression creeping in I'm reminded that I need to help others. Being hyper focussed on my projects gives me tunnel vision which inevitably leads to selfish thinking which leads to anxiety and depression. If I start thinking my shit is more important than anything else the demons hop all over that and I start blaming and doubting myself for everything.

We need to give compassion to feel whole. It makes sense on every level. 

  • Evolutionarily: Help the tribe and ecosystem thrive to better your chance of survival. 
  • Chemically: Our mirror neurons empathize with the pain of others so helping them causes positive chemical reactions. 
  • Psychologically: Focussing our mind on others takes the pressure off our self which helps us surrender to the whole. 
  • Egotistically: I helped someone therefore I’m a good person. 
  • Metaphysically: By improving the vibration of the other you improve the vibration of the whole and you are a piece of the whole. Oneness broooo. 
  • Reflectively: By giving compassion to the darkness in others you give compassion to the darkness in yourself. 
  • Simply: We’re all broken so just give love. Jeebus.

If you are struggling with mental health issues. 

1. Eat healthy, hydrate, sleep, sober up. 

2. Share your sadness with a support system of some sort. Friends, family, lovers, therapist, talking circle, whatever. Resources are out there. Some people will be able to handle your vulnerability and some people won't. Figure out who can support you and forgive those who can't. Needing help is 100% normal so go get it. 

3. Take action now. Tiny steps at a time. Do the activities that make you feel good. There's a big difference between a distraction and an action. Zoning out on TV doesn't feel good. It just feels "better" than your pain or boredom. Move, create, meditate, play. Don't distract, act. 

4. Feel what ya gotta feel and reflect on why those feelings are there. Write your thoughts and feelings down for 10 minutes straight without stopping.  

5. Go help an organization that you believe in. Give someone a big hug and tell them you love them. Give someone a gift. Whatever. Go give some love. 

6. If you’re interested in a healing session please reach out. I'm not a magical wizard. I'm not channeling energy from an inter dimensional fairy volcano. I'm not special. I'm not a guru. I'm not gonna rub crystals on your face. I don't know your past life. I don't know more than you. I just know you're enough. 

- Thanks for reading. Love ya. 
trooknot@gmail.com

Blog Post Art by Luna Boiral
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