Troo Knot

Troo Knot is a musical messenger sent here to unleash the sonic paradox of nature. 

Mental Breakdown


 Art by Elysha Rea:                                      

          Ignorance is bliss. Until you become aware of it. Then it's the biggest pain in the ass. Ignorance is like having a friend that convinced you it would be an amazing idea to not insulate your house, not change the oil in your car, not brush your teeth, not wipe your ass, not eat vegetables, and never fall in love, all while listening to mumble trap music and holding your breath. Oh and the whole time you're fully convinced it's the best idea ever and since you're genuinely convinced you placebo yourself into feeling a false sense of confidence and entitlement. 

          Until your car breaks down, your teeth rot, your body falls apart and the mumble trap starts eating your brain from inside out causing you to realize that the mofo, ignorance, was lying the whole time and now it's your job to clean up the mess and relearn how reality works except you can't because you are completely devoured by fear and hopelessness.

          Sounds dangerous right kids? Right mister author man responding to himself as if he was a group of kids! I know it's dangerous because it's what caused me to have a mental breakdown. Not the whole no veggies, no oil change, no butt wipes example but the IGNORANCE you silly weiner. This is my story combined with my perspective, opinions, rambles, and shinanigans relating to the time I had a mental breakdown. I thought it would be useful to make an intro chapter of disclaimers so we can hop into this journey on the SAME PAGE ;) 


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  • This blog is me coming to terms with my past so I can let go and move forward with clarity, gratitude, and love in my heart.
  • This blog is a guide for me to not have another mental breakdown. 
  • The story doesn't move in perfect chronological order because some important lessons make more sense when time traveling. 
  • The parts about drugs and sex were difficult to write because I don't want young people to read it and feel encouraged to go hump and do drugs. I want young people to get super educated about drugs and sex before making any decisions. Ignoring these topics is stupid. It's real life. Youth should be highly informed about drugs and sex because sooner or later they will be facing these aspects of reality. I will be completely open about my experiences good and bad and am not advocating anything other than EDUCATION. 
  • This is not a blog of facts, scientific evidence, or research. It is a story with perspective, opinion and entertainment attached to it. I will be 100% authentic in my expression but I do not claim any of my ideas to be correct. They are just ideas. Being honest and being objectively correct are not the same thing. I promise to be honest. I do not promise to be correct.
  • I have a weird game I play where I pretend to believe things just to see where they lead to. Don't assume I  believe everything said this book. I just enjoy experimenting with thoughts and ideas. If I believed every idea I allow myself to indulge in then I don't think I would be able to function. 
  • On that note, I still struggle with my mental health and this blog is not a claim that I've found the answers or the cure to anything. My flaws, fears, and mistakes wack me on a daily basis. 
  • This is not a claim that I understand the science of mental health or that the current mental health institutions are wrong. 
  • This is not a manual of what and what not to do. This is not a moral compass deciding what's right and what's wrong. Often times I can come across as coachy, preachy, and very opinionated. I apologize for this. I'm a coach and a teacher so my communication often comes out like I think I know what I'm talking about. Any "advice" given in this blog is advice directed toward myself. If you choose to follow it that's cool but I'm not saying you should. 
  • I enjoy going on silly tangents. I will put a the clear, practical guideline right here. This guideline is for me. Use it if you want but question everything.


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          Stare your pain, fear, and suffering in the eye. Thank it for creating you and take self responsibility for moving through it, not around it. Forgive yourself and others. Embrace all that you are right now and use your time, attention, and energy to honor your nature and serve others. Take simple, consistent, honest actions that align with what feels right to you, not what feels easy or right for others. You already know what feels right to you and if you don't you are just pretending you don't. Spend quality time with yourself and with others. This balance is crucial. Too far one way and you will lose yourself. Ask for help and be honest about your deepest struggles because you cannot do this alone. Trust your instincts now and take immediate action. The logic will make sense as you go. Your truth is what makes you ignite from inside out, not outside in. Logic is a tool to help design strategy for maximizing your true nature. If you make a "logical" plan that isn't based directly on empowering your natural energy and curiosity then this is ironically illogical. Jump into the the fire of what your nature pulls you toward. Animals don't sit around reading books on how to embrace their DNA to hunt and survive. They just go and the strategy unfolds in realtime based on the process they have already fully committed to. Don't forget you're an animal with billions of years of evolutionary instincts downloaded into your being. Trust this more than you trust books, advice, plans, systems, religions, parents, teachers, me, school, gurus, or any other shit. YOU ARE ALREADY EVERYTHING NATURE/GOD/WHATEVER YOU WANT TO CALL IT INTENDED YOU TO BE AND THE ANSWER IS WITHIN YOU RIGHT NOW.

          Meditate and move your body. Spend time relaxing, having fun, adventuring, and going on difficult missions with people. Old and new relationships are necessary. Solid, supportive, rooted connections with a core group of people is undeniably the base of being a healthy human. Novelty and new people are crucial for pulling you out of your comfort zone. Love and accept everyone the best you can. If you can't love and accept someone, take ownership of your lack of love and acceptance for them. It's your duty to give love regardless of the situation. Reflect on why you are blocked from loving them. Sometimes it's you being lazy. Sometimes it's you being arrogant.  And sometimes people are toxic shit heads and you need to create stronger boundaries around who you allow yourself to pay attention to. Challenge yourself to love these people anyway. The most amazing treasures are awaiting you at the bottom of this annoying pile of shit. Do what you love as often as you can without getting so obsessed that you go completely crazy. Crazy is great, but don't go all the way. Working, relaxing, and playing with people you love will often fulfil you more than most things you do alone. Commit 100% to what and who really matter to you. Forget about what and who doesn't. Be grateful for what you have but don't be ashamed of wanting more as long as the more empowers you to serve others more. The thing that really pisses you off about humans is probably the thing you should give service to because you obviously care. Right??Team up with a community and start now. Don't complain if you aren't taking action. If you're taking proper action, you won't feel like complaining anyway. 

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  • I say ridiculous shit often and sometimes I say "bad" words but nothing a 12 year old with a YouTube account can't handle. This blog may even be useful for a teenager to read since I speak honestly about my teenage years on topics that may be uncomfortable for lots of teachers and parents to discuss openly with their youth. 
  • If you were hoping for a story about some high school bully that graduated and soon after got possessed by Lucifer who told him to start collecting crow feathers and toe nails in his basement so he could burn them under the moonlight while dancing to static noise on the TV screen all while Mongolian throat singing the 10 commandments in reverse then this is the story for you! 

Just kidding. xoxo 

Continue reading the "Mental Breakdown" series.

All art on this page is by Elysha Rea. Go check out her other creations!